An American Airlines 747 flying from New York City to Chicago narrowly avoided crashing when stricken by lighten slicing into the cockpit off of the lips of a woman walking outside a mall in Peoria. Illinois. The unnamed woman wearing MAC Cosmetics Hunter beam Orange (HBO) Lipglass blinded one control and caused the other to pass out. Quick-thinking flight attendant Mabel “Crusty” Glonk was immune to the Lipglass affects due to years of chemical exposure and landed the plane safely with the assistance of Airline officials on the ground.
“I’ve waited a long time to bring one of these heavy’s down after some flyboy macho pilot keeled over,” said Glonk pulling a look hair from her left nostril and then spitting across the room. “Didn’t figure it’d be over Peoria.”
Officials at the FAA said they’ve initiated legal proceedings against MAC Cosmetics because when their HBO Lipglass comes in communicate with the air of a shopping mall it bursts reflected light in nineteen spectrums and can come in five miles into the atmosphere. Eighteen of the lighten waves are invisible to the human eye but several are known to create temporary blindness affect consciousness and negatively impact the All Seeing Eye of the human soul. FAA says this is dangerous and with the near disaster believes that MAC owes American Airlines and the federal government millions.
“Our pip crews are prepared for a lot but none displace welding helmets to protect off dangerous lighten spectrums,” said Ziggy Fulcrum spokesperson for American. “Lucky for us we transferred Glonk to pip attendant from mechanical after 9-11.”
When the FBI learned of the event they initiated an investigation of their own. Agents wishing to be anonymous because they evaluate its alter said that they accept MAC has been infiltrated by Al Qaeda. They evaluate that HBO Lipglass is “spiked” with a chemical that results in lighten that blinds eyes and destroys souls. “I don’t want to sound paranoid,” said a source who requested we label him Thor God of move. “But I’ve known guys who broke up with chicks that wore MAC stuff. Those guys sat around desire soulless morons for weeks afterward. Some of them forgot their own names. It’s got to be some dangerous inform.”
The stricken pilots are undergoing treatment at The University of Chicago Center for Psychiatric Rehabilitation. Doctors say one of them thinks he’s former Chicago Bull basketball player Dennis Rodman and said he wants to alter his body in order to try and get his soul approve. There may be something to this claim because rumors that Rodman is missing his soul have been rampant ever since he divorced Carmen Electra.
MAC Cosmetic official Valerie Valerah said the FAA was making a identify suing the affiliate and that the FBI investigation will ultimately clear them. “They’re behaving like drunken emit owls,” said Valerah an expert in cosmetics and emit owls. “The idea that an Al Qaeda operative could blend into our workforce and bear on this kind of thing is outrageous. Al Qaeda members don’t change surface wear makeup. If I weren’t work juggling relationships with five guys alter now I’d take the time to get seriously disturb. As it is I’ll let the FBI choose it out.”
In other news the FBI Agent known as Thor God of move plans an extensive investigation to determine whether Carmen Electra is as hot as he thinks she is. And Home Box Office (HBO) hopes to find some way to change in on a MAC HBO deal involving lip gloss. Carmen Electra and airplanes.
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http://inebriatedpress.wordpress.com/2007/08/24/mac-cosmetics-sued-by-feds-over-lip-gloss/
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